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Saturday, January 31, 2009

Our Best Days Are Still Ahead of Us in Heaven

We had a marriage conference at our church this weekend. The guest speakers were Guy and Denise Richardson. Here are some of their thoughts from the weekend for us to all ponder

-most divorces occur in the 3rd, 13th or 23rd year.
-most are a result of not a major blow out but a slow leak
-we should never even joke about getting a divorce
-there are no perfect people and no perfect marriages
-if both of you think the exact same way then one of you is not needed
-the way I feel controls most of what I do therefore I need to think God's thoughts after him Is 26:3, Phil 2:5. II Tim 1:7
-jealously is a result of the fear of losing
-men think of the engagement/ marriage as an end while women think of it as a beginning
-we have an internal dictionary that is made up of things we have seen or heard in our home. we come to our marriages with this dictionary and it is different from our spouses. We need to talk about our dictionaries so that our spouses will be clued in to why certain things bother us or mean a great day to us ie One lady said her husband didn't love her because he never took the trash out, her daddy loved her mama and he always took the trash out and her mama never even had to ask.
-your home needs to be an emotional safe place, you should be free to share and not worry that your 'old' mistakes will always be brought up again and again. no one shares their heart with the judge.
-if you expect perfection from your family members and your goal is perfect or nothing, you will get nothing every time.
-empathize before you advise
-build your family members up to their faces and behind their backs
-happy children come form homes where their parents love each other
-men get a great sense of satisfaction out of crossing things off their to-do list, they need to learn to 'waste' time with their families
-Fathers - your family is playing Follow the Leader
-lead your family don't manage it, leadership requires personal example and involvement
-don't make your family responsible for your emotions- You make me so mad- Mark 7:15-what is on the outside doesn't make me unclean
-Biblical love doesn't come automatically, we need to be trained
-we need to give verbal appreciation for daily responsibilities that are done, this appreciation is a lubrication for our homes
-the only one you can change is you but you can make it easier for others to change.
-use words to communicate not your tone
-pick your fights-save your bullets
-don't ever tell your children you want them to be happy, happiness is a by product not something to strive for
-anger is always attached to control
-our job is to build a crown over our children's heads and then help them to grow into it- have vision
-everyday keep on choosing the mate your chose on your wedding day, in doing this we are showing a picture of God Eph 1:4
-our goal is to be with our spouse until we place them into the arms of Jesus
-know that the end game is Glory and our best days are still ahead of us in Heaven


kathy b said...

thanks for posting these bullet points, Ellen. It was so good to read.

Laura said...

What a great list! Thanks for posting this.

fgpuckett said...

I like the "build family members up to their faces" one...

Julie said...

Thanks for sharing, Ellen. We weren't able to make it Saturday so this gives me some highlights.

Nicholas Stehle said...

Thanks for posting these! I had very few notes and was regretting it.

hazel said...

oh ellen what an excellent sum of the conference material. your mind is a sponge. (God be praised, He gave you that mind!) thank you and Him.

i may just print your sum and use it as a handout for clients if you don't mind rather than make my own! :) i'll quote you as the interpreter of his comments! xo

fgpuckett said...

I have missed your blogs. Are you ok?

Abbie said...

So glad to see a summary here!
We loved the Richardsons when we lived in Jackson.
What a great list this is.


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