Addie Lou and Superfly and SEC basketball

Twelve years ago today we lived in Pine Bluff.

Twelve years ago today was a Sunday.

Twelve years ago today Carl and I were in New Orleans at the Men's SEC basketball tourney.

Twelve years ago today Andrew was 13, Kaitlin was 10 and John was 8. I was 38.

Twelve years ago today my mama died. She was my best friend.

Carl and I went to New Orleans with a group of friends from his work. I loved the excitement in the air of the basketball tournament. I called Mama on Saturday after we had seen Kentucky play. They had so many fans there and they were very vocal. The Kentucky Blue is a beautiful color. My mama said that my daddy must of been there too because he always told Mama that Kentucky was heaven. My daddy died when I was 18. I felt a kinship to him that day as I cheered on his team.

Andrew, Kaitlin and John were with our friends the Buffins in Little Rock. They also had three children.

Mama started feeling uncomfortable in the evening of the 9th. My brother, John and his wife, Elaine went to check on her. Mama had a aneurysm just above her aortic valve. She also had COPD. Because of her breathing power or lack thereof they could not repair the aneurysm. This was discovered in August of 94. They gave her 24 months to live. The rest is fuzzy to me about what happened with her that night. She was at one hospital and they were needing to move her to a second hospital when she died. It was about 2:00am. I do know that John and Elaine were with her and that brings me great comfort. I asked a nurse friend about the aneurysm and how would someone die and she said that mama just slipped away.

My brother, John tried to call us on Carl's cel and we didn't hear the phone. He then called the Buffin's home. He told them that mama had just died and he needed to get in touch with us. Jack and Kay got on their knees and began praying for me then. I was covered in pray when John called and told me the news. Kay also got up and washed all the children's clothes as she prayed.

Carl called his friends at the motel and woke them up. The group that was in our van got up and dressed in the middle of the night and drove with us back to Pine Bluff. They never grumbled.

I don't know when we got home but soon the Buffin's followed with the children. They helped us pack up and got us on the road. I do remember that I was worried about my library books and getting them back on time. Kay took them to the library for me. (what a funny little nugget to remember)

I called Carl's sister, Marian, after I talked to John just after mama died. Marian and her family with Carl's mother met us in Marietta at my mama's house on Monday. They were such a big help.

When we got to Mama's house on Sunday evening the first thing I had to do was to make sure she wasn't there... I had to see for my self that she was not in her favorite rocker by the fireplace or in her bed. When I saw that she wasn't there , I knew it was real all over again.

I have learned lots in my twelve years about grief. It gets different not better. This day is not as hard as it has been. I usually buy myself something. Retail therapy always helps. Once a few years ago the boys were with the boy scouts camping on March 10th. Kaitlin and I went shopping at Hallmark. She fell in love with two stuffed animals. A cat and a dog I believe. She named them Addie Lou and Superfly. Addie Lou is my mama's name. By the time we were ready to check out I was referring to them as Addie Lou and Superfly. The salesclerk put something on top of them in the bag. I ,with all seriousness, said "Please don't smash Addie Lou and Superfly!" She put Addie Lou and Superfly in their own bag. When we got in the van and realized what I had said and my tone of voice we dissolved into giggles. That was good for us both.

Andrew became an Eagle Scout on this day in 1999.

A book that has helped is Midlife Orphan by Jane Brooks.

Today I plan to eat lunch at the Purple Cow with Clare and Kaitlin. I am not sure when or where my retail therapy will take me today.

I am thankful to have had such a wonderful mama. She and I had a laughing good time every time we were together. I am thankful we had 38 wonderful years together. I am thankful for all her letters and books that I have. I am thankful for the wonderful memories that I have.

If you have a mama, call her and tell her you love her today. If not, be thankful for your wonderful memories with your mama. If you don't have wonderful memories then make some today with your family.